


To Know

by 222Ravens



Category: Supernatural
Genre: I Blame Tumblr, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:57:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/222Ravens/pseuds/222Ravens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unusual stipulation in the tablet triggers an unexpected conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Know

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a tumblr post about a twitter comment. No apologies or regrets.

They are sitting in the ‘Bat Cave’ when Sam gets another email from Kevin with their next task. He starts to read it over, then grins.

 

“Hey Dean, get this. 'The task must be undertaken by one who is pure…'”

 

Dean looks up from his cleaning and examination of one of the many protective amulets they had found in the stashes, and says. “Damn, we’re out of the running, then.”

 

“Actually, not quite. Because, according to Kevin, then it says… ‘Or one who has known not merely the pleasures of the flesh, but has _known’_ , and I’m assuming that means the standard biblical definition… ‘An Angel of God’. Well, that’s good at least. Dean, guess you’re doing that task then, huh?” Sam chuckles, scrolling down on the email, then looks up.

 

Dean is staring back at his brother, face white and almost… terrified? He stands up abruptly, walking over to the corner, where he pours a _very_ large glass of scotch and knocks it back in one go.

 

“You okay?” Sam asks, wondering what the heck brought _that_ reaction on.

 

The older brother is still standing, turning the glass over in his hands. When he does speak, it’s in a quiet, broken tone.  

 

“I never… I never had sex with Cas, Sam. I made some dumb jokes about it to him, but… Not even once. Couple of times, heck, maybe I wanted to. I don’t know, Sam, all we’ve been through, him and me… Maybe I do care about the guy more than I should. Like I said, I don’t know. I’m just trying to hold on here and believe that he’s still okay, because this silence from him, after what he said about being afraid to go back to Heaven because he might… I’ve been praying, every night, and he’s not answering. It’s friggin’ _torture_ , man, and I’ve been through Hell.”

 

Sam’s mouth works, but he can’t get anything out beyond a muted splutter. When Dean finally looks up again, Sam musters the ability to blurt out, “I was talking about Anna.”

 

At which point Dean freezes, his eyes shifting. His face clenches, and he chucks the empty glass at the wall. 

 

Before Sam can stop him, Dean has said “Shit.” and is running past him, up the steps and is out the door. A minute later, Sam hears the rumble of the Impala’s engine, and goes back downstairs. Dean would be back, but a drive would probably do him good. It’s the middle of the day, so he doubts his brother will get too drunk, at least.

 

Broken glass cleaned up, he settles in to wait, and sure enough, after a few hours, Dean returns, looking sullen and carrying two grease-stained paper bags in one hand. In the other hand is an empty beer bottle. But, it’s only one, so that’s actually pretty good for Dean, sad as that was.

 

“Here.” He says, shoving one at Sam, and sitting down.

 

It’s a chicken burger and a salad. Dean’s is an burger and pie. Comfort food, Sam supposes. He choses to very strongly ignore the slight redness to Dean’s eyes and the slight limp, the kind that usually comes from kicking something that was a bit too solid several times.

 

“Thanks.” Sam says, and lets them eat in silence for a while. Finally, though, he can’t resist, so he takes one more bite, chews, and swallows, before biting his lip and offering, “Do…You want to talk about it?”

 

Dean stares at Sam, and lets out a long breath. “Nope.”

 

Sam sighs in return. “Okay. Just know… What you told me? I’m totally okay with it. And, uh… I appreciate you telling me. I hope he’s okay too.”

 

Dean looks away, but something in his expression softens a little, and Sam resolves to start praying to Cas every night too.

 

For Dean.


End file.
